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10/11/2002
To: University of San Francisco : The Shriner's Hospital Group
My name is Tito Abao and I am 67 years old. I am running out of time (from a legal perspective) and no longer have the money to fight two large bureaucracies. I desperately need your help to intervene and mediate on my behalf with The University of San Francisco and The Shriner's Hospital Group.
I am writing this letter to those with the power, the moral decisiveness and the courage to right a terrible wrong that has been done to me in the name of greed by those with the sworn task of upholding the principle of "First, do no harm," either directly or indirectly, through their education programs, medical facilities or community services.
Please bear with me while I attempt to explain some complicated, yet important, background information. I will try to relate the facts as simply as I can.
My mother suffered from, what is now called, Bi-Polar Disorder. For years she controlled her depression with Lithium. Over time, the drug became toxic to her system and various other drugs were tried to no avail. Her doctors suggested electro-shock therapy. During the second treatment in 1993, my mother suffered a cerebral stroke which effectively ended my mother's life of independent living.
A short while later, the hospital informed me that my mother was well enough to be transferred to a convalescent home where she tearfully pleaded with me and the entire nursing staff to take her home. In order to grant my mother's wish, I had to make some extremely difficult and life-altering decisions. Once my mother was stable -- physically and emotionally -- we discussed at length how we could make this work for both of us. She wanted to pay me a salary the same as she would have had to do with a professional full-time nurse. Not wanting to deplete my mother's savings, I told her that, in general terms, I would draw enough for us to live on and she could defer the rest until after her death. Once these things were settled, I decided to
quit my job to care for my mother full time.
Believing, incorrectly it turns out, that we made all the necessary decisions we needed to make has led to lawsuits, heartache and now, me being driven out of my home. This is where your help is desperately needed.
My step-father and mother named The University of San Francisco and The Shriner's Hospital Group as remainder (not absolute) beneficiaries in their will - in addition to me - because they wanted to give back to the community they lived in for many years. I know they would be horrified to learn that I was not compensated for the personalized around-the-clock (24/7) caregiving I provided for my mother because of some legal loophole. The Merrill Lynch Trust Management Company actually told me that I should have sued my own mother before she died to guarantee that I received the compensation. Sue my own mother?! What kind of a world has this become?
Because of my advanced age, my own health problems and because I have been out of the job market for so long while caring for my mother, it is incredibly difficult to find a decent job. All I was asking from The University and The Shriner's was less than half of what my mother would have had to pay someone else.
The University and The Shriner's have been unwilling to discuss any settlement and instead, have used the legal system to get every penny they can from my mother's estate and have forced me into a position to having to sell my home in order to survive. The mission of the Shriners is to be, in their own words, "The Premiere Fraternal Organization for men of good character." I can not comprehend how they can justify their actions, or more accurately, the actions of their attorneys, which go against the very cornerstone upon which their organization is based. "Men of good character."
The University of San Francisco's core values include a belief in and a commitment to advancing "the moral dimension of every significant human choice: taking seriously how and who we choose to be in the world;" and "the full, integral development of each person and all persons, with the belief that no individual or group may rightfully prosper at the expense of others." Isn't the University "prospering" at the expense of a man past the age of retirement? The expense of his home? I wonder what the university's students and their parents would think about sending tuition to an organization who has taken a senior citizen's home away from him.
They must be made to understand that the money they were to receive were gifts from my step-father and mother who wanted to do something good for their community. Instead they have used an army of well-paid attorneys to fend off the needs of a solitary senior citizen who had only one well-meaning attorney who may have made some mistakes along the legal way.
I am tired of fighting. I am tired of being afraid of having to sell my home. I am tired of bad guys winning because they can - and not because they should.
I am asking for your help in this matter. There must be a compromise that we all can live with.
Sincerely,
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